Past few weeks

Dear Whoever,

I haven't written in a few weeks so naturally tons have happened.  I don't really want to get into everything at this point. Basically my mother in law went behind my back talking about me etc to my 9yr old stepson. Great right? As if the kid isn't screwed up enough, and now I'm seeing part of the problem. Hen she has the nerve to threaten me in a status on Facebook because I took tv away from him because he didn't do what he was told. Are you kidding me?  So the end result is she blocked me on Facebook and I am not going to buy his plane tickets or drive the 1200miles for him to go visit her. She can fucking pay for it. That's just a very brief summary, I'm sure something will happen down the road where I will elaborate on those two precious gems.

Ok so my dad finally had his surgery on Wednesday.  Since the entire south was shut down on Tuesday I had to die to Florida at 2am to catch the 6am flight to make it back home in time for his surgery. I was so nervous because of how this past year has gone.  Before my miscarriage I thought well I went through enough this year so is pregnancy has to be good. Wrong! So I had no idea what the fate would be for his surgery. So Wednesday we got there at 6am...yea no sleep for me... And I didn't leave until 8pm. Everything worked out fine but I just sit and sit and sit and sit with him to keep him company and hopefully make it easier for him.  He should be going home Saturday. I'm scheduled to leave Tuesday and I feel like that's too early but I don't really have a choice.

Work: My first sergeant came in and asked me how I was doing and if I showing yet. I told him I had a miscarriage etc. a couple hours later  he came back to the clinic and said I was moving. Shock! I said I didn't have to leave bla bla bla and he said no it's time, you've been here too long and he's not going to put me thru working with pregnant people all day every day and I keep having miscarriages. So a very nice gesture but in the end, everyone in my clinic loves and needs me there and learning a whole new job is just added stress in my life. I need to take it away. So when I get back from NY I will be moving to the new clinic on he 10th. Definitely not looking forward to it. Especially since my friends just got back from deployment so I wouldn't have been the only one that knows how to do my job anymore. Hopefully I can just get this school done and study for the GRE and submit my commissioning package without any roadblocks. But then, it wouldn't be my life were talking about.

Late breaking: my moms boyfriend supposedly had pneumonia last time I was home and now we find out he has copd, a mass between his esophagus and windpipe, and malignant tumors were taken off of his scalp.  Crazy! So he's going to be starting radiation and chemo and they seem to act like everything is a okay. And I'm thinking this isn't good at all. It's great that he has a positive outlook but I don't know. When I can over Tuesday night he looked sick. Greenish grey skin, was freezing cold one minute and then soaked in sweat the next. I feel so bad. I really hope everything works out but shit...idk what to do or think or expect. Another worry to add to my mind.

Ok so I've had a couple tests so far on my journey to see if anything physically is causing these miscarriages. The ultrasound reported I have many nabothian cysts by my cervix which is nothing major and then a 7mm something adjacent to my endometrial stripe. So the something they tossed around was focal adenomyosis, complicated cyst, or a fibroid. So nothing informative really. Then the next day I had my HSG. Holy ouch! It did not feel nice when he pierced into my cervix. That showed that my tubes were nice and wide open, but there was a "filling defect" concordat with the ultrasound finding, sooooo we still do not know what it is.. The only thing I can come up with which may or may not be accurate is the last time the baby imbedded right in this defect. So that Is why the quant levels weren't rising appropriately and my progesterone levels were low etc. I asked he doc what are the odds that I get pregnant again and it imbedded in the same spot. She said not likely, so as of right now I am not pursuing a scope to go in and look at what exactly it is. If I miscarry again, then definitely. But not right now.

That's it for now.

Me